Why do we act the way we do? Why do people do what they do? Zaffron and Logan noted that the First Law of Performance answers these questions. We do something because it makes sense to us. You act according to what you think will work. When you face a problem, your actions are intended to solve the problem, depending on how you interpret what is going on. Two people can experience the same event differently.
Think about this. Have you ever asked the question, “Why are they doing that? It does not make sense!” When others do something that is different to how we will react given the same situation, we are confused because it does not resonate with us. But, once we go into the world of that person and looked at how the situation occurred for him, we would experience that the same actions made sense.
The problem is each person assumes that the way things occur for him or her is the exact same way these events occur for the next person (Zaffron & Logan, 2009). But situations occur differently for each person. When we fail to realize this, the next person’s actions will seem out of place.
What do we mean by the term “occurring”? Zaffron and Logan described this to be the perception and the subjective experience of the person. The leader in us needs to understand that each person has his or her unique way by which he or she perceives and experiences the world. How a situation occurs to you includes your view of the past and that of the future.
It is wrong for us to relate with each other as if we are all dealing with the same set of facts. This makes them fall in reality illusion, which most of us have or are experiencing. Let’s test this. Think of a person whom you are not happy with right now. Describe this person in your mind. You might list down, “self-centered,” “does not know how to listen,” “too opinionated,” or “irrational.”
However, have you ever stopped to think that this is only how this person is “occurring” to you? How would that person describe you? Will that person use the same ways to describe you or does that person see you in a different way? In reality, none of us see things as they are. We only see things as they occur to us. How a situation or a person occurs to us determines the action we will do as a byproduct of this occurrence. Our performance will be dependent on the way a situation occurred to us.
You will take a big step toward transforming them-not merely trying to change them-if you see that you aren’t seeing them as they are. The reality illusion will try to convince you that you are. But just as it is for the rest of us, what looks like reality is only how reality occurs to you. (Zaffron & Logan 2009, p. 9)
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Who is someone you do not like? Transform how this person is occurring for you.